Dear Diva,
Sometimes when my partner and I have sex, I find that it hurts. We spend lots of time together before sex kissing, holding, touching, and just making out, and by the time we get there I'm definately ready. Or, at least I think I am. But sometimes it seems like I'm just not "wet" enough and my partner is afraid that I'm faking or that I'm not really all that interested. What's happening to me?!?
Dear Dry Spell,
Due to mostly-inaccurate media messages, most of us think that when a woman is ready for sex she should be simply hot and dripping. And, for many of us, that's the way it is when we're wild teenagers. But, as we age or even as we use different medications including birth control, anti-depressants, heart medication and even over the counter cold medications, the amount of lubrication that we produce may diminish. We may find that even though we feel “ready,” our body simply isn't responding quite the way we have learned to expect. In addition, many of us don't realize that lubrication is only produced for a short time during the arousal process, so during activities such as manual stimulation, heavy petting, or toy play, the lubrication our body produces can be depleted, leaving us without enough lubrication when we get ready to have sex.
My advice to you is to sit down with your partner and explain what is happening to him. Help him to understand that the problem is not a loss in your desire for him, but a simple need for a little extra help from time to time. And, you can suggest to him these easy (and fun!) fixes.
Now would be a great time to check out some of the many different lubricants available to you! There are lubricants which warm when rubbed or licked, lubricants with great fruity (or minty!) flavors, lubricants which create a tingly stimulating sensation when applied to sensitive parts of the body, and everything in between! You and your partner can have a LOT of fun experimenting and trying out new products (like the ones found in the Lotions & Potions section at Sensual Magick) until you find what works for YOU!
I have found that after some play time even commercial lubricants can become a bit dry and sticky feeling. The great news is that oral sex is a wonderful way to bring the wetness level back up!! Saliva has the effect of adding lubrication and revitalizing both your body's natural lubrication as well as water-based lubricants! (You can also add a few drops of water or more lubricant to make things nice and slippery again.)
Most important is to look at this as an opportunity to learn, experiment, play and grow with your partner. Have fun and happy shopping!!
Kisses,
The Diva
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