Monday, June 29, 2009

Ask the Diva ~ Dry Spell

Dear Diva,

Sometimes when my partner and I have sex, I find that it hurts. We spend lots of time together before sex kissing, holding, touching, and just making out, and by the time we get there I'm definately ready. Or, at least I think I am. But sometimes it seems like I'm just not "wet" enough and my partner is afraid that I'm faking or that I'm not really all that interested. What's happening to me?!?

~~Dry Spell

Dear Dry Spell,

Due to mostly-inaccurate media messages, most of us think that when a woman is ready for sex she should be simply hot and dripping. And, for many of us, that's the way it is when we're wild teenagers. But, as we age or even as we use different medications including birth control, anti-depressants, heart medication and even over the counter cold medications, the amount of lubrication that we produce may diminish. We may find that even though we feel “ready,” our body simply isn't responding quite the way we have learned to expect. In addition, many of us don't realize that lubrication is only produced for a short time during the arousal process, so during activities such as manual stimulation, heavy petting, or toy play, the lubrication our body produces can be depleted, leaving us without enough lubrication when we get ready to have sex.

My advice to you is to sit down with your partner and explain what is happening to him. Help him to understand that the problem is not a loss in your desire for him, but a simple need for a little extra help from time to time. And, you can suggest to him these easy (and fun!) fixes.

Now would be a great time to check out some of the many different lubricants available to you! There are lubricants which warm when rubbed or licked, lubricants with great fruity (or minty!) flavors, lubricants which create a tingly stimulating sensation when applied to sensitive parts of the body, and everything in between! You and your partner can have a LOT of fun experimenting and trying out new products (like the ones found in the Lotions & Potions section at Sensual Magick) until you find what works for YOU!

I have found that after some play time even commercial lubricants can become a bit dry and sticky feeling. The great news is that oral sex is a wonderful way to bring the wetness level back up!! Saliva has the effect of adding lubrication and revitalizing both your body's natural lubrication as well as water-based lubricants! (You can also add a few drops of water or more lubricant to make things nice and slippery again.)

Most important is to look at this as an opportunity to learn, experiment, play and grow with your partner. Have fun and happy shopping!!

Kisses,
The Diva

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Diva Review ~ 52 Weeks and Beyond

Okay, I have to admit that this review was completely biased. I fell in love with the whole concept of the 52 Weeks kits long ago and went completely goofy about them the minute they showed up.

I decided to try one of each kit – 52 Weeks of Romance and 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights. Each kit comes with, you guessed it, 52 unique “sexy mission” cards (26 for Him and 26 for Her) to be carried out each week of the year. Cards are in a nifty scratch-off format, so there’s no cheating! You never know what’s on the menu for that week until you draw the card!! But, the cards are pretty durable and would last for many years to come even though they’ve already been scratched once.

These kits are a fabulous springboard to bring some new energy and excitement into your romance or to give you an extra sexy boost. You can draw one card weekly for the whole year or switch it up by drawing one only occasionally or by each of you drawing a card each week. The choice is totally up to you!

One additional bonus I got out of the 52 Weeks kits was the inspiration to create my very own deck for Rayne and I. I got ideas from a variety of sources – magazines, books, and different sexy games – to create a deck of several hundred cards printed on standard business card stock that includes a vast array of activities and treats that are special to my own relationship. Maybe you can use your 52 Weeks kit to start your own deck, too?!

Have fun!
The Diva

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Creating A Love Altar

An altar is a place of power – your personal power – where you can make magic. It should be an expression of your deepest self, filled with artifacts that hold personal resonance. Allow your altar to be a work-in-progress that changes with the seasons and reflects your inner cycles.

To create your love altar, find a small table or other flat surface (desktops, shelves, dresser tops, and fireplace mantels all make great altar spaces) and drape it in richly colored, luxurious fabrics – perhaps red satin or a burgundy velvet scarf. Then take one red and one pink candle and arrange them around a sweet-smelling incense such as amber, rose or jasmine. Decorate your altar with tokens that represent love to you: a heart-shaped piece of rose quartz, potpourri made with rose and amethyst, a photo of your lover, fresh flowers, Valentine's cards, or even a list of traits you would like to find in a partner would all be wonderful!

Fridays are the time for spelling love; right before dawn if you can manage, but any time you feel magically romantic will do. Before you light the candles, anoint them with an oil or perfume which puts you in a romantic, loving mood – some good choices would be rose, lavender, or jasmine scents. Scent your wrists, your throat, and your left breast over your heart with the same oil. Then, light the candles on your altar and think of the sort of lover you would like to have in your life – think of individual traits, NOT of a specific person or of physical appearance – things like “Someone who will appreciate my offbeat sense of humor,” or “Someone who loves animals,” are a good place to start.

Once you have spent some time thinking of your intended lover, speak this spell to create loving magic:

Venus, cast your light on me,
A Goddess for today I'll be.
A lover, strong and brave and true
I seek as a reflection of you.


Once you have found that perfect love, don't let your love altar gather dust! Take some time each week to tend to your altar as you would tend to your love. Continue to add special tokens of your relationship – gifts, cards, love letters, and photos would be beautiful.

~ Adapted from “Witch's Brew Good Spells for Love” by Witch Bree ~

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tales Featured in Pleasurists #34

candles

from dockera.com via art or porn


Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #33? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #35? Submit it here before Sunday June 28th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Note: Monday the 29th is the editor’s birthday, Pleasurists #35 may be delayed next week.


Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…


Editor’s Pick

  • Dream Massager G by Sleeping Dreamer

  • I love this vibrator for it’s power. Yes, these vibrations carry throughout the entirety of my vaginal canal and even vibrate down into my ass. I can feel the vibrator through the mattress, yea, that good. The Dream Massage G is to my vagina what the Hitachi is to my clitoris.

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Storage

Miscellaneous

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Joy of Toy Cleaner

This past Saturday's product review got me thinking about other tips of toy care and storage I could pass along to you, my dear readers, so I decided to give you a little background on one of my favorite products - Before & After Adult Toy Cleaner!

So, why is using a toy cleaner so important? Why can't we just use soap and water to clean our toys? (You are cleaning your toys, aren't you?!?)

While I have seen some articles tell readers to simply use any anti-bacterial soap to clean their sensual toys, I have to advise against this. Anti-bacterial soaps are designed to go on your hands, a much tougher part of the body than any intimate area. These anti-bacterial soaps are also meant to be pleasing to the eye and nose, so they contain dyes and perfumes that many women may be sensitive to, making them more prone to yeast infection once these chemicals are introduced south of the border. And, to make matters worse, the anti-bacterial ingredients in soap do not discriminate between the helpful bacteria that we all need in our bodies to stay healthy and harmful bacteria. This means that all bacteria is killed, leaving you vulnerable to - you guessed it - yeast infections when the bacteria begin to grow back in this now-sterile environment.

So, now you're wondering "Why can't I just rinse really, really well?"

As with all soaps, no matter how well you rinse after washing, some residue from the soap will be left behind, especially in more porous materials like the soft jelly's used to make most intimate toys. So, even if you've rinsed until your hands are all pruny, chances are that there's still some soap lurking in the nooks and crannies of your favorite toy.

So, what's the difference between a toy cleaner and your favorite anti-bacterial soap?

Toy cleaners, like Before & After, are designed to be used to clean intimate toys. They have been formulated to kill harmful bacteria while still still being gentle enough to be used on intimate parts of the body. They contain no dyes or perfumes and are super easy to use! Just spray on, wipe off, and youre done!

Before & After comes in three convenient sizes to fit every need and budget, from our large 8 oz. spray bottle down to a sampler-size 10-wipe pack. And, as a Divas Only special, if you use code GET CLEAN, you can save 10% on your next purchase of Before & After at Sensual Magick!!

So, what are you waiting for? Go get yourself some sexy Summer fun today! Diva's orders!!

Kisses,
The Diva

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Diva Review ~ Sugar Sak Anti-Bacterial Toy Bags

I have been lucky enough to try out two brand new Sugar Saks and am really pleased with this awesome product!

Like most people, I never really gave much thought to my toy care and storage, generally throwing my toys in a dresser drawer, tote, or other convenient place for later use. Until becoming a Romance Diva, I’d never even heard of things like toy cleaner or proper toy storage – let alone any of the nasty things that can happen to toys that haven’t been taken care of!

But, since beginning my newly expanded sexual education I have, thankfully, been brought up to speed!

For those of you who haven’t heard of them, the Sugar Sak is a pretty fabric bag that comes in a variety of colors and prints. The extra large size is 9.5” x 12” and the large size is 7” x 12” – giving you an option to house almost any toy you might need to store! But, what makes the Sugar Sak so special is that, coating the fabric of the bag, is a substance called Bioshield 75, which is EPA approved to inhibit the growth of bacteria, fungi, yeast, mold, mildew and viruses on anything stored in the bags! And, best of all, this protection lasts over multiple washings so you’ll be using your Sugar Saks for many years to come!!

Kisses,
The Diva

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

His Secret Sex Zones

Here is our guide to five pleasure receptors on your man's bod. After tonight, you'll be seared into his memory.

You know how to work his body, but do you know how it works? The key to giving a guy maximum pleasure is using moves that make the most of his biology. "Having a better grasp of your partner's physiology will intensify sex for both of you," says Lana Holstein, M.D., author of Your Long Erotic Weekend. "When you understand why he reacts to certain touches and the best way to trigger those responses, you'll be able to give him extreme gratification." Intrigued? So were we, which is why we embarked on more randy research. Read on for our findings...then use your guy's bod to do some lusty lab work of your own.

Secret Sex Zone 1: Cremaster Muscle

A man's penis isn't the only body part that experiences a rise and fall. "The cremaster, which lines the inside of the scrotum and extends into the groin, controls testicular contractions," explains Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a psychiatrist and sex therapist at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City. "It works kind of like a bungee cord, pulling the testicles upward in response to cold and releasing them when the temperature changes."

How to master it: This magic muscle also responds to sexual stimulation, causing his boys to contract when he's about to orgasm. "The closer a man is to climaxing, the more his testicles recede," explains Debra Fromer, M.D., an assistant attending urologist at Hackensack University Medical Center, in New Jersey. In turn, pulling down on him when you're in the midst of passion delays ejaculation, prolonging his pleasure.

So take advantage of Mother Nature -- and give your guy the kind of big O that'll make his head spin -- by working against gravity and gently tugging on his pals as you're giving him oral (when you have primo access). Start by teasing his inner thighs with your tongue. Then, "take his penis into your mouth, cup the scrotum with one hand and pull it away from his body," says Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook. "Start off very gently, and ask your partner to let you know how hard he wants you to pull," suggests Paget. "Get into a rhythmic pattern, working your hands in tandem with your mouth movements to virtually double the sensation."

Secret Sex Zone 2: Prostate

You're most likely aware that guys have something called a prostate, but you probably didn't realize it's also a pleasure minefield. This walnut-size gland surrounds the urethra and could be described as the male G-spot. "Its actual function is to create secretions that are part of the fluid in semen," says Dr. Fromer. But when stimulated, this nugget of nerves can pack a powerful erotic punch.

How to master it: You can set off this internal bliss bomb through its neighbor, the corpus cavernosa, which are "two cavities of spongy, erectile tissue in the penis," says Dr. Holstein. Think of them as a couple of cigar-shaped sponges that become engorged with blood (causing an erection) when a man is aroused.

Since the corpus cavernosa is next to the prostate, manually stimulating your man's penis can subsequently stimulate his G-spot. "Wrap your hand around the shaft and move it toward your partner's body rather than performing the usual up-and-down strokes," says Carol Queen, Ph.D., sexologist at Good Vibrations. "Pushing toward him causes the two pieces of the corpus cavernosa to cuddle the prostate," Queen continues. "It's like giving him a sexy internal massage."

Secret Sex Zone 3: Lips

Sure, smooching is hot, but you might not think of his kisser as one of the most thrill-inducing parts of his body. However, "the mucous membranes that comprise the lips have a dense supply of nerve endings," says Dr. Bartlik. "Plus, the skin here is very thin, so that network of nerves is closer to the surface, making it more responsive to stimulation."

How to master it: Before you plant a big wet one on him, tease him by kissing him everywhere but his lips. Give him kisses all over his face and neck to build anticipation. When he's so fired up that he's compelled to move in for a full-blown lip-lock, amp up the titillation factor by mixing your moves. Lick his lips as if you were lapping an ice cream cone, suck on the tip of his tongue and graze your lips against his. "As he becomes increasingly aroused, his lips will engorge with blood, making them more sensitive," says Dr. Bartlik.

You'll really send a jolt of erotic electricity through his system if you vary the texture by alternately using the top and underside of your tongue. "The different sensations add newness and surprise, which heighten the excitement," says Paget. Another pucker ploy: "Take his lower lip into your mouth, and with the tip of your tongue, lick the little nook where his lip and chin meet," suggests Paget. "This region is surprisingly sensitive and often overlooked, which makes it that much more pleasurable."

Secret Sex Zone 4: Nipples

In the past, you may have been clued in to the frisky fact that men's headlights are crammed with pleasure-receptive nerve endings, but some of you still might not be giving them the attention they deserve. Remember, it's how you work them that really matters. "When stimulated correctly, these erogenous zones transmit feel-good sensations to the brain in the same way the genitals do," says Dr. Bartlik.

How to master it: To make his nipples -- and the rest of him -- quiver, play with them while you're having girl-on-top nooky. Start off coyly and allow the anticipation to grow by trailing your index finger along his chest, making gentle circles around, but not quite touching, his nips. Then run your hand down his rib cage on one side, across his lower abs where his pubic hair begins and up the other side. Return to his now supererect headlights and make circles again. Only this time let your finger zero in on the bull's-eye. "Lightly dance around his nipples and the areolae with your fingertip to draw out the excitement," says Queen.

Treat him to even more pulse-pounding sensations by getting your mouth in on the action. "Substitute the tip of your tongue for your finger," says Paget. "Start licking the outline of the nipples and gradually work your way in, making smaller and smaller circles." You can up the erotic ante by periodically sucking, and even nibbling, on his erect nipples. "Hold it between your lips and suck, bite lightly, then gently swirl your tongue around it and give it a kiss," says Queen. "Periodically, pull away and just graze the area with your hair or your lips, letting your hot breath linger on one nipple, then the other." After turning him on to this trick, he'll really be a boob man.

Secret Sex Zone 5: Perineum

You've probably heard of the perineum, the patch of skin that lies between his family jewels and anus and is endowed with orgasmic potential. "The perineum is rich with nerve endings that, when stimulated in the right way, can produce satisfying sensations," says Paget.

How to master it: What you may not realize is, the best way to access this neural nub is in missionary position, where you can easily reach between his legs. When he seems to be nearing the finish line, gently press into this spot with the knuckle of your index finger. "This is such a highly sensitive area, it's best to use your knuckle so you don't accidentally scratch him," explains Paget.

To knead him into orgasmic oblivion, mix up the direction and amount of pressure. "When you touch one area repetitively, the nerve endings become exhausted and no longer sense pleasure," says Dr. Holstein. So first go in clockwise circles, then switch to counterclockwise, then massage up and down, and so forth. Keeping him on edge by switching moves will have his entire neural network on high. When he's ready to blow, press this bundle of feel-good receptors a little harder to give him the ultimate O.

Find this original article at: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/sex/His-Secret-Sex-Zones

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tales Featured in Pleasurists #33

roses

from fotodigital.ro via art-or-porn


Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #32? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #34? Submit it here before Sunday June 21st at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.


Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets by Epiphora

  • On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, “Try Me.” You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body jewelry, Hot Topic, the 90s. But this tactile experience does not prepare you for the sensation of the spines in your pussy.

    Editor’s Note: It should be no secret that I love Epiphora’s reviews, and this is a particularly wonderful one. Often reviews of bad toys are better than raving reviews of wonderful toys that we reviewers can’t get enough of and this is one such review. The absolute horror of the toy is at once frightening and intriguing as Epiphora takes you through her attempts of trying to find any redeeming quality in it whatsoever.


Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Kegel Exercisers

Miscellaneous

Monday, June 15, 2009

Things Your Mother Never Told You ... About the Clitoris

The clitoris is often the most sexually sensitive part of a woman’s body. The clitoris, like the head of the penis, contains numerous concentrated bundles of nerve endings that respond gratifyingly to touch and other types of stimulation.

Recent research has shown that the sensitive clitoral tissue is not just the flesh that is externally visible. The clitoris actually has 18 anatomical parts. The portion of the clitoris that one can see is just the beginning, while most of the volume of the clitoris lies beneath the surface.

The clitoris and its associated nerve endings extend into a much larger area. In fact, some G-spot stimulation and anal stimulation, for women, may be in part due to of the complexities of nerve endings associated with clitoral tissue. Inside the body, the clitoral shaft separates into two legs that extend for about three inches on both sides of the vaginal opening. The entire clitoris consists of erectile tissue. During sexual arousal this tissue fills with blood and becomes stiff and sensitive.

Most women are unable to achieve orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone. So understanding the clitoris is often the key to orgasm and sexual satisfaction for most women. Each woman likes different types of clitoral stimulation.

Some women like direct stimulation like touching the clitoris, head on with a finger, a palm, tongue, or toy. Some women prefer indirect stimulation like touching the area around the clitoris or touching the clitoris through the clitoral hood. Some women like gentle caressing while others desire more pressure. Some like clitoral stimulation to be slow while others like it fast and firm.

The best way to know how to clitorally please a woman is to ask her to give you feedback. If you listen, follow directions and practice you can learn quite a lot while making your lover wonderfully happy.

~ Author Unknown ~

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Diva Review ~ Crazy Girl Pheromone Diva Dust

Crazy Girl Pheromone Diva Dust is a glittery body dust enhanced with sexual attractants. The product comes in an attractive black plastic container with twist-off lid and soft powder puff for application.

I tried Diva Dust in gold and was pleased with how easy it was to put on with the powder puff. You can easily use it to dust lips, cheeks, neck, collar bone, cleavage or anywhere your heart desires! The product is lightly vanilla scented and also has a pleasing light vanilla flavor which is not overly sweet like some “body dust” type products are.

This is a great product for the girl looking for a little subtle shimmer who doesn’t want to end up tasting like cosmetics, but isn’t quite ready to start tasting like candy, either.

Diva Dust comes in both Gold and Silver and is fast becoming a favorite product of mine!

Kisses,
The Diva

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ben-Wa Balls - Do I Need Them?

~ Ever had to wear a panty liner because you were sick and every time you sneeze or cough, you feel a little urine escape?

~ Ever had to control yourself from laughing to hard because you were afraid that you would have urine leak?

~ Just had a baby?

~ Getting ready to have a baby?

~ Afraid of urinary incontinence when you grow old? (which happens to about 75% of elderly women)

....If any of these apply, I always say to spend a few dollars on a pair of Ben-Wa Balls now or hundreds of dollars on depends later!

How do they work?

There are three ways to do Kegel exercises that include all the groups of muscles that one can use when performing these exercises: Contract and Hold, Flutter and "The Elevator". Before I spell out the three types, let's be sure we are all talking about the same exercise.


Think of the muscles you would squeeze if you were urinating and wanted to stop the flow. These muscles form a type of "hammock" that runs from the front of the crotch area to the back. The muscles encircle the clitoris in the front, the anus in the back and the vagina in the middle. They are the same muscles that contract reflexively (on their own) during orgasm.

Strengthening these muscles by doing Kegel's will enhance the sensations of orgasm and for some women make having orgasms more likely. When contracting these muscles, the buttocks muscles should move very little or not at all. You are trying to isolate and move the muscles that underlie the external genitals for women.

If you spend two minutes of doing these three types (which make a "set") you do a set of 3 three times a day, you will very likely feel a difference in your ability to contract in about two weeks. It doesn't take a lot of time, just a lot of remembering.

The Ben-Wa Balls can be used as "weights" by ambitious women who really want to work out their PC muscles. Think of it this way; you could tone your body by doing leg lifts or arm curls but you could get faster and better result by adding weights. Start by putting in one ball and doing these exercises. The ball will definitely add a level of challenge to Kegel's. Later, when there is greater strength and tone add the second one.

These are great exercises to do in preparation for having a baby. A toned muscle will stretch more easily and will recover more easily after childbirth. As we age, these exercises are also helpful in maintaining tone to avoid urinary stress incontinence (leaking bladder). So given the benefits of enhanced orgasm and the health gains possible, doing Kegel exercises every day really deliver!

Exercises

Contract and Hold: Squeeze this muscle group and hold it for a count of ten. Then contract and hold for another count of ten. Continue doing this for two minutes.

Flutter: Contract the muscle group as quickly as you can. These won't be large squeezes, just rapid light ones. Stop, take a rest - then do it again.

The Elevator: Imagine that there's a little elevator in your crotch and that you want it to rise up floor by floor to the top floor. So start at the ground floor and go up to the first floor, then the second and the third and final floor. Then gradually allow the "elevator" to go back down stopping at each floor. Once you get to the ground floor, go down to the basement so you're sure to have completely relaxed the muscles you have just exercised.


~ Original Author Unknown ~

Monday, June 8, 2009

Ask the Diva ~ Anniversary Blues

Dear Diva,

I've been dating this great guy for a few months now, but lately we've been fighting. I want to celebrate our anniversaries - all of them! It's important to me to mark the time that we've been together, but he doesn't seem to care. What should I do?

~~Anniversary Blues

Dear AB,

Yes, anniversaries - one month together, one year together, anniversary of the first time you went to a certain place together, etc. - are generally very important. They set milestones in the relationship and make each partner feel as though the relationship is valued by the other partner - thus making THEM feel valued by their partner.

My first bit of advice is to make sure your guy really knows and understands that anniversaries are important to you. Make sure he really knows that you expect him to remember your anniversary and other special dates, otherwise you really can't be upset with him for not understanding how you feel. Try saying something like, "Honey, our relationship is so special to me, and I feel like it's really important to remember the time we've been together and to celebrate being with you."

Second, anniversaries and celebrating moments in your relationship are important, but don't go overboard with it. One month is a pretty big deal when you're just getting started and it's worth celebrating (heck, everything is worth celebrating when your relationship is that new!). But when you start having too many "anniversary" moments it becomes overwhelming to remember all of them and it makes ALL of your anniversary moments mean less because there have gotten to be so many of them - after a while, it's just another day. So save anniversary occasions for events that are really special to both of you.

Kisses,
The Diva