Communication is The Key to a healthy and active sex live in a marital relationship. Without open, honest, positive communication in your relationship your efforts at keeping a vibrant, passionate sex live alive long after your wedding day will seem like one long, uphill battle.
Here are some of the ways you can keep the communication flowing and that sexual spark glowing long into your golden years!
Share With One Another Your Sexual Desires
By sharing your sexual desires, thoughts, feelings and fantasies you will better come to know and appreciate those things that you and your partner want and need sexually. You will learn to overcome preconceptions and fears and learn, instead, to focus on pleasing one another.
Talk With One Another About Your Expectations Concerning Lovemaking
False or unmet expectations can hurt your marriage. Do you always expect him to make the first move? Does he expect to roll over and fall asleep immediately after orgasm? Do you expect to do things "for him" sexually without regard to what you really want? Does he expect to work at making sure you've had the big "O" too?
Not discussing your sexual expectations can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and a growing sense of dissatisfaction as one or both of you begins to feel that your sexual needs are not being met.
Sexual Intimacy is a Continuing Process of Discovery
Are you still the same person that you were at 21? At 30? At 40? No?!? Then why would you expect your sex life to be the same as it was all those years ago?
Over time, we change. Our likes and dislikes change. The things we are interested in change. And, yes, our sex life also changes!
Over time our bodies may change in the way we experience sensation, in the type of stimulation needed for arousal, and even in the activities we enjoy in the bedroom. So, experiment! Explore! Try new things! Buy a game to play with your partner or introduce a new toy. Learn to give each other sensual massage or experiment with chocolate, whipped cream and other tasty treats. Learn what you like and what you don't like at every age!
Sex in a Long Lasting Relationship Can Deepen and Become a Richer Experience
No matter how many times a couple has made love, the wonder and awe of mutual attraction is still there. The idea that new is better is a myth!
I believe that commedian Jeff Foxworthy had it right when he said, "Single life is just too hard!" When you're with a new partner every night you're always tense, nervous and trying to be on your very best behavior. You can't relax and really be yourself with this strange person - after all, if they really knew you they might not like you. You can't talk about your thoughts, fantasies and desires becaus you've just met this person - they may not be into what you're into and it would ruin the mood. You can't discuss what you enjoy in bed because, again, you've just met this person - so you're quite likely to have a less than steller intimate encounter with this person. And, in the event of an accident, like falling off the couch mid-moan, you're completely mortified and the whole evening may be ruined.
But, when you're with someone you know, who you love and have been in love with for many years, all of this stress and anxiety is removed. You don't have to be tense or nervous. You're able to be who you are without fear of rejection. You know that you are loved. You can talk in detail about your sexual fantasies and desires - and you may even be playing some of those out later in the evening! You can discuss your wants and desires and even explore new intimate territory with your partner, leading to mind blowing sex! And, should some crazy accident happen, you can laugh together and spend evenings in bed giggling about that time when ....
Make Intimacy a Priority
We all have crazy, hectic lives. We have jobs, kids, car pools, play dates, pets, appointments, and errands to take care of. And, in all the madness that is daily life, we can easily slide our sex life onto the back burner and forget about it.
The trouble with this strategy is that, eventually, you and your partner become roommates living in the same house. Yes, you share the same bed, but do you share much more than that? Do you still talk and cuddle? Do you make time for each other?
Probably not.
So, resist the temptation and make being intimate a real priority. If you have to, schedule it into your week. Go ahead - write it in your date book so you won't forget!
If your boss told you that you were to have weekly meetings with a new, important client, you'd make time for that, wouldn't you? Isn't your partner more important than some client you've never met and wouldn't know if you passed on the street? Aren't they worth that time? Isn't your marriage worth that time?
Try to Set the Mood in Advance
Pop Quiz!!
What does your bedroom look like RIGHT NOW?!?
No peeking!
If you're like most of us (myself included) your bedroom isn't exactly a romantic love nest. There's probably some dirty laundry on the floor, maybe an unmade bed, maybe a lap top or other work items sitting on the bedside tables, maybe you've even got some dirty dishes from a late night snack run (or two) sitting around?
This is not exactly the right environment to be trying to get "in the mood" with your partner, so make an effort to prepare for intimacy by changing the sheets, clearing your work stuff out of the room (and, hopefully, banning it entirely), getting rid of the television (or at least covering it up), and generally making it a place where you and your partner can escape from the stresses of the day.
Great Sex at Night Starts With Foreplay in the Morning
No, I don't mean spending all day making out with your partner (though that would be fun!). What I mean is that you need to mentally prepare for intimacy.
It's a proven fact that if you create the right mindset throughout the day, your intimate encounters will be more fulfilling that evening (meaning you'll have an easier time getting to the "Big O" than you might otherwise). So, try a few quick changes throughout the day:
Instead of a quick peck, give your partner a passionate kiss before heading off for work
Instead of your run-of-the mill undies, wear a sexy panty and bra set under your work clothes
Take a minute during the day to call, e-mail (don't use a work e-mail address!), or text your partner with a sexy message
Take a couple minutes to fantasize about your upcoming encounter
Take a long bath or hot steamy shower (maybe for two?!?) when you get home
Instead of throwing on your old cotton nightie, put on some sexy lingerie before bed
Light candles in your bedroom instead of glaring overhead lights or pitch darkness
Let Your Partner Know You Care and Are Thinking About Them Throughout the Day
It only takes a minute to let someone know you care about them, and even one small gesture can go a long way towards keeping the spark and intimacy in your relationship!
Here's a quick list of things you can do:
Take an extra long time saying goodbye in the morning
Never leave the house without saying "I love you"
Always say "I love you" before going to sleep at night
Tell them you appreciate what they do (washing dishes, taking out trash, car maintenance, etc.)
Send an e-mail
Send an e-card
Send a text message
Call them at work
Do something they enjoy this weekend
Write a love note
Being Grouchy All Day or Ignoring Your Spouse Hurts Your Chances of Having a Positive Lovemaking Experience Tonight
Both genders are guilty of it. She nags and complains and snipes because he hasn't taken out the trash. He stares mindlessly at the television all day and ignores her. No wonder when bedtime rolls around nobody has any interest in getting lucky.
This is a situation so common that it's become a stereotype. But it doesn't have to be!! This whole situation can be avoided with - you guessed it! - COMMUNICATION!!
Remember when we talked about sexual expectations? Those aren't the only expectations that we need to talk about in a relationship. We also need to discuss what we expect from each other on a day-to-day basis.
Does he expect you to cook dinner every night and keep the house sparkling clean like his mother did? Do you expect him to help with the kids or split chore duties with you? If you never talk about these things, anger and resentment will build up until all you do is nag, snipe and complain at each other. So, sit down and have a talk about what you each expect and make a plan to make sure that each of you are having your needs met.
And, while you're discussing expectations, have you talked about the amount of time and attention you expect from each other? Does he expect to spend every Sunday watching sports? Do you expect to go out every Friday night? Do you have time set aside to spend together?
A big trap that we can fall into as couples is assuming that the other person knows what we need and what we expect. If we never discuss these things, how do they know? Really? So, make it a point to sit down and TALK!
Sex Isn't Going To Be Perfect Every Time
Heck, I'd go out on a limb and say that sex isn't going to be perfect most of the time!
But, unfortunately, many of us believe that it should be. Many people, women especially, believe that they will know "the one" because they will have the ultimate, perfect, mind blowing sexual encounter or that there is something wrong with their relationship if they aren't up to par with the people they see in the movies and on television.
I've got news for those of you who feel this way. Movies and TV are FAKE!
The people who produce movies and television programs are in the business of selling a fantasy, so of course the couples on the screen are having picture perfect sex. The actresses hair never gets messed up, their make up never gets smeared, they have fabulous orgasms and the men always know exactly what to do without ever being told.
So, instead of comparing yourself to fantasy couples who don't live in real life, try assessing your relationship in real terms. Maybe you're not swinging from the chandeliers every night, but you may still be having pretty great sex with someone who loves you and is REAL.
This week I had the opportunity to try out a bottle of Inttimo Shave Kreme in Romance scent.
Kama Sutra Treasures of the Sea
The Amazing Hot Heart Massager